615 lines
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615 lines
25 KiB
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<title>Face of Rejection | AlipourIm journeys</title>
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<meta name="description" content="Now that I’ve had some time to process, I think it’s good to write down this sad experience.
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First things first, I do know that I stand by my decision.
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I strongly believe whatever the f*** our interactions were, they were not of any use for me.
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Like what’s the point of waving at each other when we meet, say hello and ask how we are, etc., if ther is literally nothing else to it.
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If we would never enter eachother’s social cycle.
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I don’t know how to put the thing I want to say into words, but usually the way friendships go, at least for me, is that when you plan stuff with your friends, you tell your friends.
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Hm… ok, it still doesn’t make sense.
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Let me think if I can say it better or not.
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Ok, let’s say you this person X.
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Imagine you interact with person X, talk to them, etc., but then that’s it, it is limited to “talking”.
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You count person X as a friend, but they are never invited to anything.
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They are kept at arms distance.
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Now I would assume it’s fun for many many people, but me…
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I already have a small social cycle.
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It requires so much energy for me to start new connections, connections that are worth keeping.
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I don’t want to be a docker container.
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Some isolated thing that is only interacted with when needed.
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But I think I communicated this so badly, that it came off wrong.
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To be honest, even my therapist didn’t seem to believe me when I said I wanted to be included in her social circle.
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He though it was an attempt by me to poke her.
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I do strongly believe this wasn’t the case, but I’m too hurt to try to defend myself.
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I also highly doubt defending myself would work, it would just add more pressure, and harder rejection.">
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<div class="breadcrumbs"><a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/">Home</a> » <a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/archive/">Archives</a></div>
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<h1 class="post-title entry-hint-parent">
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Face of Rejection
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</h1>
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<div class="post-meta"><span title='2026-05-10 22:46:10 +0000 UTC'>May 10, 2026</span> · 4 min · Iman Alipour
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<span class="post-meta-item">
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<a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/archive/face_of_rejection/#isso-thread" class="isso-comments-link">Comments</a>
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<div class="post-content"><p>Now that I’ve had some time to process, I think it’s good to write down this sad experience.
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First things first, I do know that I stand by my decision.
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I strongly believe whatever the f*** our interactions were, they were not of any use for me.
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Like what’s the point of waving at each other when we meet, say hello and ask how we are, etc., if ther is literally nothing else to it.
|
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If we would never enter eachother’s social cycle.
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I don’t know how to put the thing I want to say into words, but usually the way friendships go, at least for me, is that when you plan stuff with your friends, you tell your friends.
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Hm… ok, it still doesn’t make sense.
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Let me think if I can say it better or not.
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Ok, let’s say you this person X.
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Imagine you interact with person X, talk to them, etc., but then that’s it, it is limited to “talking”.
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You count person X as a friend, but they are never invited to anything.
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They are kept at arms distance.
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Now I would assume it’s fun for many many people, but me…
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I already have a small social cycle.
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It requires so much energy for me to start new connections, connections that are worth keeping.
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I don’t want to be a docker container.
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Some isolated thing that is only interacted with when needed.
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But I think I communicated this so badly, that it came off wrong.
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To be honest, even my therapist didn’t seem to believe me when I said I wanted to be included in her social circle.
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He though it was an attempt by me to poke her.
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I do strongly believe this wasn’t the case, but I’m too hurt to try to defend myself.
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I also highly doubt defending myself would work, it would just add more pressure, and harder rejection.</p>
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<p>Now the interesting part is my reaction. “Withdrawal”.
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The lesson I learned from past experiences is that explaining yourself or trying to fix things just results in more pain for you, and nothing being fixed.
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But this was strong.
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I did not want to respond.
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In fact, my first reaction was to delete the platform, not to be able to see the message to get hurt.
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During my therappy though, I did open the message.
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I went silent.
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I tried to process.
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The weight of that was heavy.
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It became hard to talk.
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Hard to reason.
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It was just…. sad.</p>
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<p>Going forward I know that the best way forward for me is to stop any communications with her.
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It is sad, this losing of a friend, but let’s be honest, were we friends?
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No.
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Not my definition of friendship.
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And honestly, this should be a hard line for me, I don’t care how you define friendship.
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If it isn’t mutual, it isn’t good enough for me.
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I need to be more dominant, and less scared.
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My lines are my lines, and they are not to be negotiated with.
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I need to remain strong, and just let go.</p>
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<p>I just realized I did not even talk about what happened.
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LMAO.
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Long story short, there was this person who I knew for some time.
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We used to exchange messages every once in a while.
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I asked if we would be spending time together, or with each other’s social circle, which to be honest came out super wrong :))))))
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I wasn’t trying to ask her out.
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I just wanted to be included in some of the social gatherings with her social circle.
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To expand mine.
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To get to see new people.
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Call me an idiot, or whatever, but I didn’t know how to put this into words.
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And I did not do it correctly it seems as I got “rejected”.
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But as my friend says, “better a sad ending, than a never ending sadness”.
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I wansn’t trying to ask her out, but my social skills are so bad that it came so so wrongly.</p>
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<p>I do stand by my decision though.
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No more interactions with her.
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Nothing.
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I need to become friends with people that don’t keep me isolated, or stored for their needs.
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It should be mutual.
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At least, whatever interactions we had, had nothing useful for me.
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If anything, it just hurt me by showing how lonely I am.
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You can argue that is a good thing to at least figure it out, and I would argue why would I keep being fed this thing if there is no levy for me out?
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If I’m not being helped.
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If I’m being kept at arms distance.
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If I’m being isolated.
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I’m no docker process who should be kept isolated.
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I’m the kernel module.</p>
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<p>This came out weird coming from me, but it is what it is :)
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I should, and need to say “I” sometimes.
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I need to assert dominance, to show I’m in control, to show I’m happy, to show everything is fine.</p>
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<hr>
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<div class="signature-block" style="margin-top:1rem">
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<p><strong>Downloads:</strong>
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<a href="/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md">Markdown</a> ·
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<a href="/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md.asc">Signature (.asc)</a>
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</p><p><em>Verify locally:</em></p>
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<pre style="font-size:0.85em; overflow-x:auto; padding:0.75rem;">torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md
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torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md.asc
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gpg --verify face_of_rejection.md.asc face_of_rejection.md
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</pre>
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function isDark() {
|
|
var pref = localStorage.getItem('pref-theme');
|
|
if (pref === 'dark') return true;
|
|
if (pref === 'light') return false;
|
|
|
|
var html = document.documentElement, body = document.body;
|
|
if (
|
|
(html.classList && html.classList.contains('dark')) ||
|
|
(body.classList && body.classList.contains('dark')) ||
|
|
html.getAttribute('data-theme') === 'dark' ||
|
|
body.getAttribute('data-theme') === 'dark' ||
|
|
(html.classList && html.classList.contains('theme-dark')) ||
|
|
(body.classList && body.classList.contains('theme-dark'))
|
|
) return true;
|
|
|
|
return window.matchMedia && window.matchMedia('(prefers-color-scheme: dark)').matches;
|
|
}
|
|
function gTheme(){ return isDark() ? 'dark_dimmed' : 'noborder_light'; }
|
|
|
|
function loadGiscus() {
|
|
if (gLoaded) return;
|
|
var s = document.createElement('script');
|
|
s.src = 'https://giscus.app/client.js';
|
|
s.async = true;
|
|
s.crossOrigin = 'anonymous';
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-repo','AlipourIm/blog-comments');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-repo-id','R_kgDOQGARyA');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-category','Comments');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-category-id','DIC_kwDOQGARyM4Cw3x-');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-mapping','pathname');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-strict','0');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-reactions-enabled','1');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-emit-metadata','0');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-input-position','bottom');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-lang','en');
|
|
s.setAttribute('data-theme', gTheme());
|
|
document.getElementById('giscus-thread').appendChild(s);
|
|
|
|
function reTheme(){
|
|
var iframe = document.querySelector('iframe.giscus-frame');
|
|
if (iframe && iframe.contentWindow) {
|
|
iframe.contentWindow.postMessage(
|
|
{ giscus: { setConfig: { theme: gTheme() } } },
|
|
'https://giscus.app'
|
|
);
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
var tbtn = document.getElementById('theme-toggle');
|
|
if (tbtn) tbtn.addEventListener('click', function(){ setTimeout(reTheme, 0); });
|
|
|
|
var mo = new MutationObserver(function(){ reTheme(); });
|
|
mo.observe(document.documentElement, { attributes:true, attributeFilter:['class','data-theme'] });
|
|
mo.observe(document.body, { attributes:true, attributeFilter:['class','data-theme'] });
|
|
|
|
gLoaded = true;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
function show(which) {
|
|
var showIsso = which === 'isso';
|
|
panelIsso.style.display = showIsso ? 'block' : 'none';
|
|
panelGisc.style.display = showIsso ? 'none' : 'block';
|
|
if (issoBtn) issoBtn.setAttribute('aria-pressed', showIsso ? 'true' : 'false');
|
|
if (giscBtn) giscBtn.setAttribute('aria-pressed', showIsso ? 'false' : 'true');
|
|
if (!showIsso) loadGiscus();
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
if (issoBtn) issoBtn.addEventListener('click', function(e){ e.preventDefault(); show('isso'); });
|
|
if (giscBtn) giscBtn.addEventListener('click', function(e){ e.preventDefault(); show('giscus'); });
|
|
|
|
|
|
show('isso');
|
|
})();
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
|
|
</article>
|
|
</main>
|
|
|
|
<footer class="footer">
|
|
<span>© 2026 <a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/">AlipourIm journeys</a></span> ·
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|
|
|
<span>
|
|
Powered by
|
|
<a href="https://gohugo.io/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Hugo</a> &
|
|
<a href="https://github.com/adityatelange/hugo-PaperMod/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">PaperMod</a>
|
|
</span>
|
|
</footer>
|
|
<a href="#top" aria-label="go to top" title="Go to Top (Alt + G)" class="top-link" id="top-link" accesskey="g">
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|
<svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 12 6" fill="currentColor">
|
|
<path d="M12 6H0l6-6z" />
|
|
</svg>
|
|
</a>
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|
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|
|
|
<div class="site-meta-row" style="display:flex;align-items:center;gap:.75rem;flex-wrap:wrap;">
|
|
<a href="/index.xml" rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="RSS"
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|
class="rss-link" style="display:inline-flex;align-items:center;gap:.35rem;">
|
|
<svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2"
|
|
stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round">
|
|
<path d="M4 11a9 9 0 0 1 9 9" />
|
|
<path d="M4 4a16 16 0 0 1 16 16" />
|
|
<circle cx="5" cy="19" r="1" />
|
|
</svg>
|
|
<span>RSS</span>
|
|
</a>
|
|
|
|
<span aria-hidden="true">·</span>
|
|
|
|
<span>Visitors this week: <span id="gc_site_visitors_week">—</span></span>
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<script>
|
|
let menu = document.getElementById('menu')
|
|
if (menu) {
|
|
menu.scrollLeft = localStorage.getItem("menu-scroll-position");
|
|
menu.onscroll = function () {
|
|
localStorage.setItem("menu-scroll-position", menu.scrollLeft);
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
document.querySelectorAll('a[href^="#"]').forEach(anchor => {
|
|
anchor.addEventListener("click", function (e) {
|
|
e.preventDefault();
|
|
var id = this.getAttribute("href").substr(1);
|
|
if (!window.matchMedia('(prefers-reduced-motion: reduce)').matches) {
|
|
document.querySelector(`[id='${decodeURIComponent(id)}']`).scrollIntoView({
|
|
behavior: "smooth"
|
|
});
|
|
} else {
|
|
document.querySelector(`[id='${decodeURIComponent(id)}']`).scrollIntoView();
|
|
}
|
|
if (id === "top") {
|
|
history.replaceState(null, null, " ");
|
|
} else {
|
|
history.pushState(null, null, `#${id}`);
|
|
}
|
|
});
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script>
|
|
var mybutton = document.getElementById("top-link");
|
|
window.onscroll = function () {
|
|
if (document.body.scrollTop > 800 || document.documentElement.scrollTop > 800) {
|
|
mybutton.style.visibility = "visible";
|
|
mybutton.style.opacity = "1";
|
|
} else {
|
|
mybutton.style.visibility = "hidden";
|
|
mybutton.style.opacity = "0";
|
|
}
|
|
};
|
|
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script>
|
|
document.getElementById("theme-toggle").addEventListener("click", () => {
|
|
if (document.body.className.includes("dark")) {
|
|
document.body.classList.remove('dark');
|
|
localStorage.setItem("pref-theme", 'light');
|
|
} else {
|
|
document.body.classList.add('dark');
|
|
localStorage.setItem("pref-theme", 'dark');
|
|
}
|
|
})
|
|
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script>
|
|
document.querySelectorAll('pre > code').forEach((codeblock) => {
|
|
const container = codeblock.parentNode.parentNode;
|
|
|
|
const copybutton = document.createElement('button');
|
|
copybutton.classList.add('copy-code');
|
|
copybutton.innerHTML = 'copy';
|
|
|
|
function copyingDone() {
|
|
copybutton.innerHTML = 'copied!';
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
copybutton.innerHTML = 'copy';
|
|
}, 2000);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
copybutton.addEventListener('click', (cb) => {
|
|
if ('clipboard' in navigator) {
|
|
navigator.clipboard.writeText(codeblock.textContent);
|
|
copyingDone();
|
|
return;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
const range = document.createRange();
|
|
range.selectNodeContents(codeblock);
|
|
const selection = window.getSelection();
|
|
selection.removeAllRanges();
|
|
selection.addRange(range);
|
|
try {
|
|
document.execCommand('copy');
|
|
copyingDone();
|
|
} catch (e) { };
|
|
selection.removeRange(range);
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
if (container.classList.contains("highlight")) {
|
|
container.appendChild(copybutton);
|
|
} else if (container.parentNode.firstChild == container) {
|
|
|
|
} else if (codeblock.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.nodeName == "TABLE") {
|
|
|
|
codeblock.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.appendChild(copybutton);
|
|
} else {
|
|
|
|
codeblock.parentNode.appendChild(copybutton);
|
|
}
|
|
});
|
|
</script>
|
|
</body>
|
|
|
|
</html>
|