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103 lines
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19 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html><html lang=en dir=auto><head><meta charset=utf-8><meta http-equiv=X-UA-Compatible content="IE=edge"><meta name=viewport content="width=device-width,initial-scale=1,shrink-to-fit=no"><meta name=robots content="noindex, nofollow"><title>Face of Rejection | AlipourIm journeys</title>
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<meta name=keywords content><meta name=description content="Now that I’ve had some time to process, I think it’s good to write down this sad experience.
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First things first, I do know that I stand by my decision.
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I strongly believe whatever the f*** our interactions were, they were not of any use for me.
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Like what’s the point of waving at each other when we meet, say hello and ask how we are, etc., if ther is literally nothing else to it.
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If we would never enter eachother’s social cycle.
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I don’t know how to put the thing I want to say into words, but usually the way friendships go, at least for me, is that when you plan stuff with your friends, you tell your friends.
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Hm… ok, it still doesn’t make sense.
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Let me think if I can say it better or not.
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Ok, let’s say you this person X.
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Imagine you interact with person X, talk to them, etc., but then that’s it, it is limited to “talking”.
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You count person X as a friend, but they are never invited to anything.
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They are kept at arms distance.
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Now I would assume it’s fun for many many people, but me…
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I already have a small social cycle.
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It requires so much energy for me to start new connections, connections that are worth keeping.
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I don’t want to be a docker container.
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Some isolated thing that is only interacted with when needed.
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But I think I communicated this so badly, that it came off wrong.
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To be honest, even my therapist didn’t seem to believe me when I said I wanted to be included in her social circle.
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He though it was an attempt by me to poke her.
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I do strongly believe this wasn’t the case, but I’m too hurt to try to defend myself.
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I also highly doubt defending myself would work, it would just add more pressure, and harder rejection."><meta name=author content="Iman Alipour"><link rel=canonical href=https://blog.alipour.eu/archive/face_of_rejection/><link crossorigin=anonymous href=/assets/css/stylesheet.31b150d909186c48d6dbbf653acc2489945fa9ac2c8f8cd3fe8448e89e40fccf.css integrity="sha256-MbFQ2QkYbEjW279lOswkiZRfqawsj4zT/oRI6J5A/M8=" rel="preload stylesheet" as=style><link rel=icon href=https://blog.alipour.eu/favicon.ico><link rel=icon type=image/png sizes=16x16 href=https://blog.alipour.eu/favicon-16x16.png><link rel=icon type=image/png sizes=32x32 href=https://blog.alipour.eu/favicon-32x32.png><link rel=apple-touch-icon href=https://blog.alipour.eu/apple-touch-icon.png><link rel=mask-icon href=https://blog.alipour.eu/safari-pinned-tab.svg><meta name=theme-color content="#2e2e33"><meta name=msapplication-TileColor content="#2e2e33"><link rel=alternate hreflang=en href=https://blog.alipour.eu/archive/face_of_rejection/><noscript><style>#theme-toggle,.top-link{display:none}</style><style>@media(prefers-color-scheme:dark){:root{--theme:rgb(29, 30, 32);--entry:rgb(46, 46, 51);--primary:rgb(218, 218, 219);--secondary:rgb(155, 156, 157);--tertiary:rgb(65, 66, 68);--content:rgb(196, 196, 197);--code-block-bg:rgb(46, 46, 51);--code-bg:rgb(55, 56, 62);--border:rgb(51, 51, 51)}.list{background:var(--theme)}.list:not(.dark)::-webkit-scrollbar-track{background:0 0}.list:not(.dark)::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb{border-color:var(--theme)}}</style></noscript><script>(function(){window.goatcounter={endpoint:"/count"};const e=document.createElement("script");e.async=!0,e.src="/js/count.js",document.head.appendChild(e)})()</script><script>(function(){const s="",t=new Intl.NumberFormat,o="visit",i="visits";function a(e){document.readyState==="complete"||document.readyState==="interactive"?setTimeout(e,0):document.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded",e)}function 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s=t.querySelector(".entry-footer, .post-meta"),o=t.querySelector("a.entry-link, h2 a, .entry-title a");if(!s||!o)return;try{const i=new URL(o.getAttribute("href"),location.origin);if(i.origin!==location.origin)return;let t=s.querySelector(".post-views");t||(t=document.createElement("span"),t.className="post-views",s.appendChild(t)),t.textContent=n(await e(i.pathname)??0)}catch{}}));const o=document.getElementById("gc_site_visitors_week");if(o){const n=await e("TOTAL","week");o.textContent=n===null?"—":t.format(n)}})})()</script></head><body id=top><script>localStorage.getItem("pref-theme")==="dark"?document.body.classList.add("dark"):localStorage.getItem("pref-theme")==="light"?document.body.classList.remove("dark"):window.matchMedia("(prefers-color-scheme: dark)").matches&&document.body.classList.add("dark")</script><header class=header><nav class=nav><div class=logo><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/ accesskey=h title="AlipourIm journeys (Alt + H)">AlipourIm journeys</a><div class=logo-switches><button id=theme-toggle accesskey=t title="(Alt + T)" aria-label="Toggle theme"><svg id="moon" width="24" height="18" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentcolor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round"><path d="M21 12.79A9 9 0 1111.21 3 7 7 0 0021 12.79z"/></svg><svg id="sun" width="24" height="18" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentcolor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round"><circle cx="12" cy="12" r="5"/><line x1="12" y1="1" x2="12" y2="3"/><line x1="12" y1="21" x2="12" y2="23"/><line x1="4.22" y1="4.22" x2="5.64" y2="5.64"/><line x1="18.36" y1="18.36" x2="19.78" y2="19.78"/><line x1="1" y1="12" x2="3" y2="12"/><line x1="21" y1="12" x2="23" y2="12"/><line x1="4.22" y1="19.78" x2="5.64" y2="18.36"/><line x1="18.36" y1="5.64" x2="19.78" y2="4.22"/></svg></button></div></div><ul id=menu><li><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/posts/ title=Posts><span>Posts</span></a></li><li><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/phd_journey/ title=PhD_journey><span>PhD_journey</span></a></li><li><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/about/ title=About><span>About</span></a></li></ul></nav></header><main class=main><article class=post-single><header class=post-header><div class=breadcrumbs><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/>Home</a> » <a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/archive/>Archives</a></div><h1 class="post-title entry-hint-parent">Face of Rejection</h1><div class=post-meta><span title='2026-05-10 22:46:10 +0000 UTC'>May 10, 2026</span> · 4 min · Iman Alipour
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<span class=post-meta-item><a href=https://blog.alipour.eu/archive/face_of_rejection/#isso-thread class=isso-comments-link>Comments</a></span></div></header><div class=post-content><p>Now that I’ve had some time to process, I think it’s good to write down this sad experience.
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First things first, I do know that I stand by my decision.
|
|
I strongly believe whatever the f*** our interactions were, they were not of any use for me.
|
|
Like what’s the point of waving at each other when we meet, say hello and ask how we are, etc., if ther is literally nothing else to it.
|
|
If we would never enter eachother’s social cycle.
|
|
I don’t know how to put the thing I want to say into words, but usually the way friendships go, at least for me, is that when you plan stuff with your friends, you tell your friends.
|
|
Hm… ok, it still doesn’t make sense.
|
|
Let me think if I can say it better or not.
|
|
Ok, let’s say you this person X.
|
|
Imagine you interact with person X, talk to them, etc., but then that’s it, it is limited to “talking”.
|
|
You count person X as a friend, but they are never invited to anything.
|
|
They are kept at arms distance.
|
|
Now I would assume it’s fun for many many people, but me…
|
|
I already have a small social cycle.
|
|
It requires so much energy for me to start new connections, connections that are worth keeping.
|
|
I don’t want to be a docker container.
|
|
Some isolated thing that is only interacted with when needed.
|
|
But I think I communicated this so badly, that it came off wrong.
|
|
To be honest, even my therapist didn’t seem to believe me when I said I wanted to be included in her social circle.
|
|
He though it was an attempt by me to poke her.
|
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I do strongly believe this wasn’t the case, but I’m too hurt to try to defend myself.
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I also highly doubt defending myself would work, it would just add more pressure, and harder rejection.</p><p>Now the interesting part is my reaction. “Withdrawal”.
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The lesson I learned from past experiences is that explaining yourself or trying to fix things just results in more pain for you, and nothing being fixed.
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But this was strong.
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I did not want to respond.
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In fact, my first reaction was to delete the platform, not to be able to see the message to get hurt.
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During my therappy though, I did open the message.
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I went silent.
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I tried to process.
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The weight of that was heavy.
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It became hard to talk.
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Hard to reason.
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It was just…. sad.</p><p>Going forward I know that the best way forward for me is to stop any communications with her.
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It is sad, this losing of a friend, but let’s be honest, were we friends?
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No.
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Not my definition of friendship.
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And honestly, this should be a hard line for me, I don’t care how you define friendship.
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If it isn’t mutual, it isn’t good enough for me.
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I need to be more dominant, and less scared.
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My lines are my lines, and they are not to be negotiated with.
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I need to remain strong, and just let go.</p><p>I just realized I did not even talk about what happened.
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LMAO.
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Long story short, there was this person who I knew for some time.
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We used to exchange messages every once in a while.
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I asked if we would be spending time together, or with each other’s social circle, which to be honest came out super wrong :))))))
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I wasn’t trying to ask her out.
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I just wanted to be included in some of the social gatherings with her social circle.
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To expand mine.
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To get to see new people.
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Call me an idiot, or whatever, but I didn’t know how to put this into words.
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And I did not do it correctly it seems as I got “rejected”.
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But as my friend says, “better a sad ending, than a never ending sadness”.
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I wansn’t trying to ask her out, but my social skills are so bad that it came so so wrongly.</p><p>I do stand by my decision though.
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No more interactions with her.
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Nothing.
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I need to become friends with people that don’t keep me isolated, or stored for their needs.
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It should be mutual.
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At least, whatever interactions we had, had nothing useful for me.
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If anything, it just hurt me by showing how lonely I am.
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You can argue that is a good thing to at least figure it out, and I would argue why would I keep being fed this thing if there is no levy for me out?
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If I’m not being helped.
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If I’m being kept at arms distance.
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If I’m being isolated.
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I’m no docker process who should be kept isolated.
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I’m the kernel module.</p><p>This came out weird coming from me, but it is what it is :)
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I should, and need to say “I” sometimes.
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I need to assert dominance, to show I’m in control, to show I’m happy, to show everything is fine.</p><hr><div class=signature-block style=margin-top:1rem><p><strong>Downloads:</strong>
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<a href=/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md>Markdown</a> ·
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<a href=/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md.asc>Signature (.asc)</a></p><p><em>Verify locally:</em></p><pre style=font-size:.85em;overflow-x:auto;padding:.75rem>curl -fSLO https://blog.alipour.eu/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md
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curl -fSLO https://blog.alipour.eu/sources/archive/face_of_rejection.md.asc
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gpg --verify face_of_rejection.md.asc face_of_rejection.md
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</pre></div></div><footer class=post-footer><ul class=post-tags></ul></footer><div class=comments-switch style="display:flex;gap:.5rem;margin:.5rem 0 1rem"><button id=btn-isso type=button aria-pressed=true>Anonymous (Isso)</button>
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