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+title = 'Cupid is so dumb'
+date = 2025-11-04T19:35:16Z
+draft = false
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+
+The lyrics are being played in my brain day and night.
+
+"A hopeless romantic all my life"
+
+"Surrounded by couples all the time"
+
+"I guess I should take it as a sign"
+
+But... "I gave a second chance to Cupid"
+
+"But now I'm left here feelin' stupid"
+
+I might've given more than two chances to cupid.
+
+But I'm still left here felling' stupid. 
+
+"I look for his arrows every day"
+
+"I guess he got lost or flew away"
+
+But does it matter anymore? 
+It shouldn't. It really shouldn't.
+
+Now all these jokes aside, today I went to Mensa with my group. When eating, I saw a group of people who I've been trying to hang out with, and every time they tell me they let me know to join them, but today I saw them, they hadn't told me. 
+
+Funny how my mind jumps to conclusions quickly. Funny how I feel left alone so quickly. Or maybe it isn't funny, idk. What I do know however is that I'm hurt. There is a bit more to the story than that, but I don't want to open it up. It's way too personal to be opened. 
+
+The thing is, all of this is just badly affecting me. I cannot really focus on my work, and studies. Maybe I should consider doing more home office? Idk. It could be good though. 
+
+I've been trying to jump from one addiction to another, just to calm my senses, just to forget, just to move on. 
+
+I started with ordering unhealthy food from Uber, eating Tuna and Rice, skipping breakfast, watching crap on Youtube, but none of it help. I then went to thm, that has been helping a bit, but not enough. 
+
+I need to be productive at work, I need to take care of my health, I know if I do these, I will feel better about myself and this MDD will go away. Or at least I hope. 
+
+For now all I know is that I'm stuck in MDD, and I cannot get out of it. I'm glad suicidal thoughs are off the table. I'm just glad. They only thing I see is darkness, but I know it will change. The sun will rise. That reminds me, is the wind rising? No? Yes? If so, we need to live. 
+
+I think this is just so painful to me in the sense that I don't really have many friends that I consider as friends, and I'm being left alone from some groups that I don't necesserially wanna be a part of. But oh well, I should not care. 
+
+Credit: Cupid by FIFTY FIFTY
+
+
+---
+
+{{< sigdl >}}