Initial import of Hugo site to Forgejo

2026-07-28 12:47:20 +00:00 · 2026-07-28 12:47:20 +00:00 · cb1ba0317f
commit cb1ba0317f
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--- a/public-onion/posts/how_i_am_doing/index.html
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+<meta name="description" content="This constant feeling of how people think about me, how they view me, what is happening with them is killing me.
+I&rsquo;m interpretting every little move, every action, every response as me being in trouble.
+Not only is it exhausting, but also it&rsquo;s draining me.
+Draining me of happiness, being in pursuit of happyness.
+Idk what is wrong with me. Idk why I can&rsquo;t let go. I don&rsquo;t know why I need so much closure. Idk. I really don&rsquo;t.
+What I know is that I&rsquo;m mentally dealing with too much. Too much for a little boy like me. Someone who got conditional love throughout his life.
+Someone who never experienced being loved. Someone who was trained to work hard to be loved. To sacrifice to be loved.">
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+    <div class="breadcrumbs"><a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/">Home</a>&nbsp;»&nbsp;<a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/posts/">Posts</a></div>
+    <h1 class="post-title entry-hint-parent">
+      How am I doing?
+    </h1>
+    <div class="post-meta"><span title='2025-12-15 08:27:13 +0000 UTC'>December 15, 2025</span>&nbsp;·&nbsp;2 min&nbsp;·&nbsp;Iman Alipour
+
+  <span class="post-meta-item">
+  <a href="http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/posts/how_i_am_doing/#isso-thread" class="isso-comments-link">Comments</a>
+  </span>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</div>
+  </header> 
+  <div class="post-content"><p>This constant feeling of how people think about me, how they view me, what is happening with them is killing me.
+I&rsquo;m interpretting every little move, every action, every response as me being in trouble.
+Not only is it exhausting, but also it&rsquo;s draining me.
+Draining me of happiness, being in pursuit of happyness.</p>
+<p>Idk what is wrong with me. Idk why I can&rsquo;t let go. I don&rsquo;t know why I need so much closure. Idk. I really don&rsquo;t.
+What I know is that I&rsquo;m mentally dealing with too much. Too much for a little boy like me. Someone who got conditional love throughout his life.
+Someone who never experienced being loved. Someone who was trained to work hard to be loved. To sacrifice to be loved.</p>
+<p>This &ldquo;others&rdquo; in my mind is killing me. It is so annoying to pursue people who do not give the slightest of shit about me. That has been me in the past many months.
+Ever since February 17th. That disgusting day. The day that was the result of last Friday of that Monday. The regrets. The sadness. The drainage.</p>
+<p>Idk what to do. I feel like I&rsquo;m stuck in this life that I don&rsquo;t like, with so much that I love. Does this even make sense? Idk.
+I know I&rsquo;m full of love, and I&rsquo;m willing to give it to someone.</p>
+<p>Few things lie. First, do I love myself? I want to say yes, but maybe the answer is no. I honestly don&rsquo;t know if I&rsquo;m lying to myself or not.
+Second, I know my therapist is worried for me. For how easy I can fall in the wrong people&rsquo;s hand, and how badly I could get hurt.</p>
+<p>He has been pushing me to solve the issue of others, and self love. To be fine with what I am, and what I have. To be fine with me. I need to work on this.
+I need to write more. To express myself more. Maybe I manage to figure things out that I would not otherwise. Who knows.</p>
+<hr>
+<div class="signature-block" style="margin-top:1rem">
+  <p><strong>Downloads:</strong>
+    <a href="/sources/posts/how_I_am_doing.md">Markdown</a> ·
+    <a href="/sources/posts/how_I_am_doing.md.asc">Signature (.asc)</a>
+  </p><details class="signature">
+    <summary>View OpenPGP signature</summary>
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+</pre>
+  </details><p><em>Verify locally:</em></p>
+  <pre style="font-size:0.85em; overflow-x:auto; padding:0.75rem;">torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/posts/how_I_am_doing.md
+torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/posts/how_I_am_doing.md.asc
+gpg --verify how_I_am_doing.md.asc how_I_am_doing.md
+  </pre>
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