Cupid is so dumb

The lyrics are being played in my brain day and night.

“A hopeless romantic all my life”

“Surrounded by couples all the time”

“I guess I should take it as a sign”

But… “I gave a second chance to Cupid”

“But now I’m left here feelin’ stupid”

I might’ve given more than two chances to cupid.

But I’m still left here felling’ stupid.

“I look for his arrows every day”

“I guess he got lost or flew away”

But does it matter anymore? It shouldn’t. It really shouldn’t.

Now all these jokes aside, today I went to Mensa with my group. When eating, I saw a group of people who I’ve been trying to hang out with, and every time they tell me they let me know to join them, but today I saw them, they hadn’t told me.

Funny how my mind jumps to conclusions quickly. Funny how I feel left alone so quickly. Or maybe it isn’t funny, idk. What I do know however is that I’m hurt. There is a bit more to the story than that, but I don’t want to open it up. It’s way too personal to be opened.

The thing is, all of this is just badly affecting me. I cannot really focus on my work, and studies. Maybe I should consider doing more home office? Idk. It could be good though.

I’ve been trying to jump from one addiction to another, just to calm my senses, just to forget, just to move on.

I started with ordering unhealthy food from Uber, eating Tuna and Rice, skipping breakfast, watching crap on Youtube, but none of it help. I then went to thm, that has been helping a bit, but not enough.

I need to be productive at work, I need to take care of my health, I know if I do these, I will feel better about myself and this MDD will go away. Or at least I hope.

For now all I know is that I’m stuck in MDD, and I cannot get out of it. I’m glad suicidal thoughs are off the table. I’m just glad. They only thing I see is darkness, but I know it will change. The sun will rise. That reminds me, is the wind rising? No? Yes? If so, we need to live.

I think this is just so painful to me in the sense that I don’t really have many friends that I consider as friends, and I’m being left alone from some groups that I don’t necesserially wanna be a part of. But oh well, I should not care.

Credit: Cupid by FIFTY FIFTY

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torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/posts/cupid.md
torsocks curl -fSLO http://fjthpp2h3mj2rup25r3psmqamutnkbvxbpltlohdthw6fscgo3t6bpad.onion/sources/posts/cupid.md.asc
gpg --verify cupid.md.asc cupid.md