# Archives

## Face of Rejection

Now that I’ve had some time to process, I think it’s good to write down this sad experience. First things first, I do know that I stand by my decision. I strongly believe whatever the f*** our interactions were, they were not of any use for me. Like what’s the point of waving at each other when we meet, say hello and ask how we are, etc., if ther is literally nothing else to it. If we would never enter eachother’s social cycle. I don’t know how to put the thing I want to say into words, but usually the way friendships go, at least for me, is that when you plan stuff with your friends, you tell your friends. Hm… ok, it still doesn’t make sense. Let me think if I can say it better or not. Ok, let’s say you this person X. Imagine you interact with person X, talk to them, etc., but then that’s it, it is limited to “talking”. You count person X as a friend, but they are never invited to anything. They are kept at arms distance. Now I would assume it’s fun for many many people, but me… I already have a small social cycle. It requires so much energy for me to start new connections, connections that are worth keeping. I don’t want to be a docker container. Some isolated thing that is only interacted with when needed. But I think I communicated this so badly, that it came off wrong. To be honest, even my therapist didn’t seem to believe me when I said I wanted to be included in her social circle. He though it was an attempt by me to poke her. I do strongly believe this wasn’t the case, but I’m too hurt to try to defend myself. I also highly doubt defending myself would work, it would just add more pressure, and harder rejection. ...

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